The One You Feed







October 2016
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Michael Bungay Stanier- The One You Feed- Full


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This week we talk to Michael Bungay Stanier about habits

Michael Bungay Stanier is the founder of Box of Crayons, a company that helps organizations do less Good Work and more Great Work. He’s the author of several books, including The Coaching Habit and Do More Great Work. Michael has written for or been featured in numerous publications including Business Insider, Fast Company, Forbes, The Globe & Mail and The Huffington Post.

He was the 2006 Canadian Coach of the Year. He was a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford University and holds a Masters of Philosophy from Oxford, and law and arts degrees with highest honors from the Australian National University.

 In This Interview, Michael Bungay Stanier and I Discuss...

  • The One You Feed parable
  • His new book, The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More and Change the Way You Lead Forever
  • The way that the question, How do you stay curious for just a little bit longer? Can transform the way you show up in your life
  • How feeling safe can help us access our highest selves
  • The power of sitting in the ambiguity of asking a question rather than jumping to the feeling of certainty of telling someone an answer
  • The Karpman Drama Triangle: the victim, the persecutor & the rescuer
  • The heart of the Victim role: There's only one way to do this, but you don't like the way it's being done.
  • The best coaching question in the world: And what else?
  • That the first answer someone gives you isn't their only answer and it's rarely their best answer.
  • It's a great self-management tool for rescuers because it keeps you from jumping in, it allows you to stay curious a little bit longer
  • It's a great question for the victim role because it helps give them other options
  • Most people only consider two options before making a decision: should I stay or should I go? Asking this question can give you a third option
  • The five essential components to building an effective new habit
  • That 45% of our waking behavior is habitual
  • The 95% of our brain activity happens in the unconscious brain
  • Since it's inevitable that when building a new habit you will "fall off the bus" or fail, it's important that you have a plan for what you'll do at that point
  • How do you hold yourself firmly but compassionately accountable when it comes to changing your behavior?
  • The kickstart question - a good way to start conversation with anybody: What's on your mind


Direct download: MichaelBungayStanierFinal_1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 11:05pm EDT

Eric Kaufmann- The One You Feed


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This week we talk to Eric Kaufmann about leadership

Eric Kaufmann guides leaders to make better decisions and achieve better results. He has consulted for hundreds of leaders, including executives and teams at Sony, T-Mobile, Genentech, Alcon Labs, and Teradata. He is the founder and president of Sagatica, Inc. and serves on the board of the San Diego Zen Center.

His new book is called the Four Virtues of a Leader and shares practical ideas and tools that deepen a leader’s ability to be efficient, effective and deliberate.

 In This Interview, Eric Kaufmann and I Discuss...

  • The One You Feed parable
  • His new book, The Four Virtues of a Leader
  • How leadership is like The Hero's Journey
  • How he used the spiritual bypass
  • His definition of leadership
  • Leadership in day to day life
  • His four questions surrounding leadership
  • The three hurdles we have to overcome to be effective
  • His definition of courage
  • Ways you can build courage
  • The important difference between fear and anxiety
  • The lifelong process of discipline
  • The three gems of Buddhism
  • Procrastination
  • How spiritual surrender plays into leadership

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It also often features different animals, mainly two dogs.

Direct download: Eric_Kaufmann_Final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:25pm EDT

Jonathan Fields- The One You Feed


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This week we talk to Jonathan Fields about living a good life

Jonathan Fields is a New York City dad, husband, and he currently runs a mission-driven media and education venture, Good Life Project, where he and his team lead a global community in the quest to live more meaningful, connected and vital lives. He produces a top-rated podcast and video-series with millions of listens and views, where he hosts in-depth conversations with leading voices from Sir Ken Robinson to Brene Brown, Elizabeth Gilbert and hundreds more.

Jonathan has also been featured widely in the media, including everything from The New York Times, Wall Street Journal and FastCompany to Real Simple, O Magazine, Self, People, Vogue, Elle, Allure, and many others.

His latest book is called How to Live a Good Life: Soulful Stories, Surprising Science, and Practical Wisdom

 In This Interview, Jonathan Fields and I Discuss...

  • The One You Feed parable
  • His new book, How to Live a Good Life: Soulful stories, surprising science and practical wisdom
  • The three good life buckets: Connection, Vitality, Contribution
  • Improving your experience in your "day job"
  • The mistake in his business manifesto: Thou shalt do epic shit
  • The role that money plays in living a good life
  • That the way that you spend your money plays a big role in a satisfying life
  • What gives you a sense of purpose? What in your life do you do passionately?
  • Sparks
  • The middle way
  • Three ways to deal with the energy vampires in your life: self-care, compassion & find your beacon
  • That your life can only be as good as the level of your lowest bucket
  • How to improve your life by assessing the levels of your buckets and what actions to then take

Jonathan Fields Links


Direct download: Jonathan_Fields_2_Final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:18pm EDT

Barbara Karnes Full The One You Feed


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This week we talk to Barbara Karnes about living and dying well

Barbara Karnes, RN, is an internationally respected speaker, educator, author and thought leader on matters of death and dying. She is a renowned authority to explain the dying process to families, healthcare professionals and the community at large.

Barbara has held both clinical and leadership positions, including staff nurse, clinical supervisor and executive director. She has won numerous awards including THE INTERNATIONAL HUMANITARIAN WOMAN OF THE YEAR 2015 from the World Humanitarian Awards.

 In This Interview, Barbara Karnes and I Discuss...

  • The One You Feed parable
  • That knowledge reduces fear
  • How her work with & knowledge of the dying process influences how she lives
  • That as long as we're breathing it is an act of living
  • What to do when one receives a terminal diagnosis
  • The labor of dying
  • The process of gradual death
  • The significant changes that happen 1-3 weeks before death
  • How to know if someone is minutes to hours away from their death
  • That dying is not painful; disease causes pain
  • The spiritual driver releasing its hold on the physical body
  • The importance of telling the dying person that you understand that they 

For more show notes visit our website


Direct download: Barbera_Karnes_Final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 8:58pm EDT

Melody Warnick Full The One You Feed


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This week we talk to Melody Warnick

Melody Warnick has been a freelance journalist for more than a decade, she has written for Reader’s Digest, O: The Oprah Magazine, Redbook, The Atlantic’s CityLab, and dozens of other publications.

She is the author of This Is Where You Belong: The Art and Science of Loving the Place You Live.  How we come to feel at home in our towns and cities is what Warnick sets out to discover in This Is Where You Belong. She dives into the body of research around place attachment—the deep sense of connection that binds some of us to our cities and increases our physical and emotional well-being—then travels to towns across America to see it in action.

 In This Interview, Melody Warnick and I Discuss...

  • The One You Feed parable
  • Moving often
  • Liking where you live
  • Committing to where you are and making the best of it
  • The difference between people who are movers, stuck and rooted
  • Always thinking happiness is "out there" somewhere
  • Why walking more helps you love where you live
  • What is your Walk Score
  • Each town is different to each person depending on perspective- there is no objective town
  • Where would you take visitors in your town?
  • Taking advantage of the things your town offers
  • The paradox of choice
  • How important nature is in feeding your good wolf and loving where you live
  • Buying local
  • The power of "weak ties"

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Direct download: Melody_Warnick_Final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 7:19pm EDT

Taylor Hunt Full- The One You Feed


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This week we talk to Taylor Hunt

Taylor Hunt is a devoted student of Ashtanga, a system of yoga originally transmitted by Sri K. Pattabhi Jois. The system is now transmitted by his teacher, Sharath Jois, in Mysore, India.

Taylor was the first Ashtanga teacher in Ohio granted Level II Authorization to teach from the Sri K. Pattabhi Jois Ashtanga Yoga Institute (KPJAYI) in Mysore, India. He is dedicated to sharing the transformative and healing practice with others by teaching daily Mysore classes at Ashtanga Yoga Columbus and offering workshops around the country. He is also the author of the recently published book, A Way From Darkness, and director of the Trini Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to sharing the life-changing practice of Ashtanga with those suffering from addiction.

 In This Interview, Taylor Hunt and I Discuss...

  • The One You Feed parable
  • How the parable applies to a person with addiction
  • Addiction = A disease of denial
  • His book, A Way From Darkness
  • The varying amounts of meeting attendance and other support mechanisms in the recovery process
  • The importance of being connected to one's self in a healthy life
  • The importance of state of mind and intention when it comes to the practice of yoga
  • The ways emotions show up in our body
  • Ashtanga Yoga
  • How he helps his students connect to their yoga practice on a spiritual level
  • The importance of not comparing your insides with someone else's outsides
  • The surprising thing that his dad said to him when he asked for his blessing to go to India
  • "Bring Your Ass to Class"
  • How he built the self-discipline to cultivate a consistent yoga practice
  • The danger of identifying ourselves with our thoughts



Direct download: TaylorHuntFinal.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:32pm EDT

Tara Brach- Full- The One You Feed

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This week we talk to Tara Brach

Tara Brach is an American psychologist and proponent of Buddhist meditation. She is a guiding teacher and founder of the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, D.C  Brach also teaches Buddhist meditation at centers for meditation and yoga in the United States and Europe including Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, California, the Kripalu Center,and the Omega Institute for Holistic Studies.

Brach is an engaged Buddhist specializing in the application of Buddhist teachings to emotional healing. Her 2003 book, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha, focuses on the use of practices such as mindfulness for healing trauma. Her 2013 book, True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart, offers practices for tapping into inner peace and wisdom in the midst of difficulty.

 In This Interview, Tara Brach and I Discuss...

  • The One You Feed parable
  • Being kind to the parts of ourselves that are more primitive
  • The difference between feelings and thoughts
  • Dropping the storyline
  • The question of "What am I unwilling to feel?"
  • How we have to go through the difficult emotions to get to peace
  • The importance of remembering the good
  • Not being addicted to suffering
  • The habit of looking for what's wrong
  • What's the moment like if there is no problem
  • How we tend to always anticipating a problem 
  • How we are almost always lost in thought
  • Practicing coming into our senses
  • Self-compassion as the most important quality on the spiritual path
  • Only being taught one type of meditation
  • Trying different types of meditation until we find the one that works best for us.

For more show notes visit our website


Direct download: Tara_Brach_Final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:48pm EDT

matthew-quick- The One You Feed

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This week we talk to Matthew Quick about mental health

Our guest this week is Matthew Quick. He is here for his second visit to The One You Feed.

He is the New York Times bestselling author of The Silver Linings Playbook, which was made into an Oscar-winning film; as well as many other novels. His work has been translated into more than thirty languages, received a PEN/Hemingway Award Honorable Mention, was an LA Times Book Prize finalist, a New York Times Book Review Editors’ Choice, and selected by Nancy Pearl as one of Summer’s Best Books for NPR.

His latest book is called Every Exquisite Thing


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the one you feed- matthew quick


In This Interview, Matthew Quick and I Discuss...

  • The One You Feed parable
  • Short term pleasure versus long term gain
  • Imposter Syndrome
  • Thinking that money and fame will create happiness
  • Removing the stigma of mental health
  • Intrinsic vs extrinsic goals
  • What drives us
  • The voice of depression
  • Finding the middle ground between rebellion and conformity
  • The power of literature to allow us to see different worlds and possibilities
  • How sometimes quitting is the right approach
  • Parental understanding 
  • How his father thought he was crazy to leave a job to become a writer
  • The pressure to be someone that everyone else wants you to be
  • Letting our children be who they are
  • How lonely people need to find each other
  • How we need music and art to rally around
  • Social anxiety and depression
  • The role of mental health in creating art
  • The artist as the canary in the coal mine
  • How being adjusted to a sick society is not healthy
  • How do we know if we are artistic, mentally ill or just different
  • Affecting an air of superiority over "normal" people

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Direct download: MatthewQuick2Final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:15pm EDT

howard martin The One You Feed


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This week we talk to Howard Martin (HeartMath) about the intelligence of the heart

Howard Martin is one of the original leaders who helped found HeartMath. HeartMath was founded to help individuals, organizations and the global community incorporate the heart’s intelligence into their day-to-day experience of life. They do this by connecting heart and science in ways that empower people to greatly reduce stress, build resilience, and unlock their natural intuitive guidance for making better choices.

During his career with HeartMath, Howard has delivered programs for Fortune 100 companies, government agencies, all four branches of the U.S. military, and many school system.

He coauthored The HeartMath Solution and Heart Intelligence:Connecting with the Intuitive Guidance of the Heart.

 In This Interview, Howard Martin (HeartMath) and I Discuss...

  • The One You Feed parable
  • How polarized our world is
  • How important our day to day choices are
  • What "heart intelligence is"
  • The benefit of looking "within"
  • The science of heart intelligence
  • What heart rate variability is
  • How the heart is considered part of our hormonal system
  • The two-way communication between the heart and the brain
  • Measuring heart rate variability 
  • What heart coherence is 
  • The Heart Coherence method
  • How it takes time for these practices to create results
  • The difference between our heart talking and our mind
  • Following our heart
  • HeartMath promotion




Direct download: Howard_Martin_Final_1.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:59pm EDT

Ralph White- The One You Feed



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This week we talk to Ralph White 

Ralph White is co-founder of the New York Open Center, America’s leading urban institution of holistic learning where his current role is Creative Director. The Open Center receives almost 60,000 visits annually from participants in its year round programs and has presented the major writers and speakers in the fields of wellness, social/ecological change, inner development, world spiritual traditions, art and creativity  for over twenty seven years. He is an international speaker on spirituality, consciousness, the history of the Western Tradition. He is also editor of the award winning Lapis magazine, and taught the first fully accredited course in holistic thinking and learning at New York University.

His new memoir is called: The Jeweled Highway: On The Quest For a Life of Meaning

 In This Interview, Ralph White and I Discuss...The One You Feed parable

  • His latest book, The Jeweled Highway
  • The role of music in his life
  • His involvement in building spiritual retreat centers
  • How you retain your centeredness in an urban environment
  • If there are parts of the world that are more conducive to places of spiritual retreat than others
  • The powerful role of retreat centers of bringing together people of like mind
  • The importance of contact with nature
  • The importance of a spiritual practice
  • The importance of cultivating community

For more show notes visit our website



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A grandfather is talking with his grandson and he says there are two wolves inside of us which are always at war with each other. 

One of them is a good wolf which represents things like kindness, bravery and love. The other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed, hatred and fear.

The grandson stops and thinks about it for a second then he looks up at his grandfather and says, “Grandfather, which one wins?”

The grandfather quietly replies, the one you feed

The Tale of Two Wolves is often attributed to the Cherokee indians but there seems to be no real proof of this. It has also been attributed to evangelical preacher Billy Graham and Irish Playwright George Bernard Shaw. It appears no one knows for sure but this does not diminish the power of the parable.

This parable goes by many names including:

The Tale of Two Wolves

The Parable of the Two Wolves

Two Wolves

Which Wolf Do You Feed

Which Wolf are You Feeding

Which Wolf Will You Feed

It also often features different animals, mainly two dogs.

Direct download: Ralph_White_Final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:11am EDT